The Zombie Apocalypse

The Zombie Apocalypse is here!   For several days I have heard they not only exist but are multiplying by the thousands.  I don’t believe in zombies.  Zombies aren’t real.  How wrong I was.  It took ten minutes on campus of my local community college before I spotted the first zombie, or rather, pack of zombies.  At first I didn’t believe.  People are allowed to walk around in tight groups softly mumbling to themselves, ignorant of their surroundings, right?

However my fears were confirmed when that group of “students” walked right into the side of a building.  They looked around momentarily confused and then changed directions in an incoherent ramble leading them into the bushes of a nearby building.  As they slowly shuffled about, they were joined by more zombies echoing their soft mumbles.  Now prudence would have me find the nearest zombie-proof safe house, however my curiosity took control and I had to get a better look.  Now, this is usually the part of the horror movie where the nerdy white kid gets killed by the serial killer, but I see myself as more of a main-character type of person so I thought I would be ok, and would escape near death by the sacrifice of a little known background character like the grounds keeper or something.  But I digress….

As I approached the group of zombies, I realized that they had no idea I was there.  Slowly, without looking up the entire group began to circle around and head in my direction.  My luck had run out so I began to run.  As I turned around I spotted another group of the undead heading right for me.  As I frantically searched for an escape route, I identified 4 zombie groups converging upon my location.  Due to my agility and good fortune, I evaded the groups of death and was able to make it to the safe confines of my car.  The scene that unfolded before my eyes shook me to the very core.  The four zombie groups converged on one location at the center of campus and for a few brief moments, confusion, jostling for position and loud mumbling and groaning was followed by hysteria, and congratulatory high-fives.  And as quickly as it had begun, it ended, and the group broke apart, with zombies shuffling in random directions, looking for the next victim.

Reports of this behavior are numerous with zombies walking into traffic, rivers and lakes, off of ledges and high embankments, and colliding with every stable structure in sight.  The apocalypse has arrived – so protect yourself.

Avoid Gamer’s Remorse

While this story reads like a bad horror novel, it is based on an actual experience I had this morning where I observed numerous students exhibiting dangerous behavior while searching for Pokemon with the new mobile game Pokemon GO.  If you have not heard of the game yet, just check out your local news.

We at Tyee Outdoor Experience love the fact that so many people are leaving their houses and getting exercise in new ways and places.  However, we encourage you to be safe and ethical in your search for Pokemon.  There have been some disturbing occurrences of people finding dead bodies, being robbed, hurting themselves or others, getting in car accidents and becoming lost.  Here are some suggestions that will help to keep you safe.

  1. Tell someone where you are going and when you expect to return.
  2. Never go alone, use the buddy system. That way one person can follow the phone and the other person can keep an eye on the surroundings and prevent accidents and dangerous circumstances.
  3. Never drive and use the phone at the same time. Get a friend to go with you.  They can follow the phone while you pay attention to the road.
  4. Don’t follow a Pokemon into private property or any sketchy places, especially alone. If it doesn’t look safe, stay away.  Your life is worth more than a Pokemon.

The moral of the story is to go with a friend and be aware of your surroundings.  Don’t be a zombie with your head down, and your eyes on the phone.  So stay safe and have fun.

Isaac Ashby

Tyee Outdoor Experience


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